women

[supercharged spaniel]

That's mint... I bet he was fantising over being your tag partener... In fact I was! I was the man wanking in the corner... Once I'd finished I dried off on one of your socks.. Didn't you see me sniffing her knickers whilst wanking? Lol

[lance]

cant of been her knickers as they where shoved in her mouth! must of been mine.

[supercharged spaniel]

Bwhaaa! They did smell like cheese had you not washed your cock end all week? No worries at the time I just thought it was her smelly clout and all the beastings shed got during her holiday...men emptying their sacks into her holes all week...

[lance]

yep thats right, she was a classy bird....

[DKnight]

im with pete on this one lol

[supercharged spaniel]

Beasts...

[Fred]

    

[supercharged spaniel]

Well of course lol. No more stories?

[Justin14100]

Alright, I got one which isn't that dirty, but full of lols. OK, So i'm 19, I had this long term GF for a while, she was pretty crazy and demanding but I put up with it (for some reason) Anyways, it started going down hill and she decided to end it - I wasn't happy with that, so i fight to get her back, get her back and like a few weeks later. she ends it. So I'm like 'ffs' So I keep turning up and ploughing her from time to time; was pretty filth (G40 is a great car to have when your running to get the gash! lol) and i bacily decided it wasn't good for us to be even see each other anymore, so i cut her off. I knew she was sleeping with (quite a few) other people at the time. I moved on as did she. Met a new bird, really great - good looking, easy to get a long with (loves my polo!) and one day I get this txt. says: 'Justin, we really need to talk about something' Now im thinking 'fuck, she IS pregnant.'

I phone her up and she is crying, all like 'just wanted to hear from you that your with someone else now...'
I was all like, wtf. you ended it six months ago and moved on before me and at that time in a pretty grim place!
anyway later on a few txts came from and were sent to her. they ended with this one:

'tell me if your ever single again cause i still plan to marry you. Have a nice life.'

Yes. Cause marriage is a good way to lure a 19 year old in. Nut. Case.

Got some filth stories too, will share them at some point! lol.

[supercharged spaniel]

Birds love marriage. She sounds quite fucked up. Can you not tell her what she wants to hear? And then have your way with her, and your newer bird too lol?! Obviously use a condom with the mental one cos shell pull the age old trick of pretending she's pregnant so you shit bricks for a while and give her attention. Lol

[Justin14100]

Would be lols tbh, BUT couldn't do it to the new one, she is too good! haha. even watches the f1 with me!

Yeah she was pretty nuts, she has the old 'oh shit i forgot to take my pill' a lot, conveniently at the same time as i'd blow my load! haha.

She did say to me she was craving kids too, she can fuck off now though, isnt worth the shit I got.

p.s The reason there is no woman banter on club polo is cause they are all too busy taking pics of their 'slammage' and polishing their cars and not their wood!

[supercharged spaniel]

Ha bird banter is the best... Proper bonding agent for most blokes. Loving some of the stories that are coming out here. I say get them implanted or injected and then they can't forget... Bring on the make pill? Is that ever becoming mainstream?

[MartinB]

Some good banter in this thread!

My GF assumed we were gonna finish uni and get a mortgage like straight away, I was like, what the fuck!? She got all upset until I explained to her how mortgages work and u only get one based on what you earn etc. She soon got the idea but was ever so sensitive about it for a while.

Facebook. Well, facebook, girlfriends and mates who are girls just don't mix. I was on holiday last month and was gonna meet my mate (who's a female) there who I haven't seeen for a few years, she wrote on my wall something like " yeah we'll have to meet up on the campsite, i'll give you a text" Girlfriend interpreted that as me getting my leg over with my mate and caused a load of pointless hassle... Trying to work out what goes on in a birds head is an impossible task!

[scotsjohn]

" Why bother with women when you can get the real thing.".... Motto of the Honda Owners Club.

[lance]

right ill try and put this in writing,

i was out on the piss one night had a good night went the pizza spot and seen this lasso sat on the window ledge outside, i looked at her and realised it was a lass my mate had been telling me about (fantastic blow job!) so i thought job on!
sat next to her turned charm upto max!!!! telling her i was going to a party (really just stopping at my mate house) an asking if she wanted to come to it. she said no but we could always go back to her mates house. i thought get on! get sucked off maybe hit her then do one!

so anyway we got in a taxi went to a cash point (she needed money to pay for the taxi i said i was skint and didnt have my bank card) got to her mates house and we where locked out so had to wait for her mate to come home. 10 mins and a  fantastic blow job later her mate comes, she walks passed me giving me a funny look but i thought nothing of it. we get in the house and they go in the living room an i could hear her mate kicking off then she storms out towards me saying get out!!!! i told her to fuck off but she keeps shouting so i thought fuck this and left! about 4 in the morning and i had a 10 mile walk home.

now its 2 weekends later and i see her out in town an she smiles at me am thinkin whats going on an leave it. then an hour or so later i go for a piss an she was stood outside the toilet and says hello to me and then explains that the reason she kicked me out was cos she fancies me and didnt want her mate with me. so me being the way i am thought hand on a min i can use this so i said what about me and you go back to your house tonight she says yea that sounds great! so we get a taxi up to hers walk thru the door i take my trainers and jeans off (next to front door) and bash on we go in her room i get her stripped off give her twat a good rub get her as wet as poss without spitting on it then say i need the toilet (which is down stairs) so i go down have a shit in the sink put the plug in and turn on the taps put my cloths on open front door and run down the road leaving the front door wide open while not really being able to run for laughing and ringing my mate for a lift.



dont think i even wrote that much in school!